One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
