she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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