Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
