Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
