We're facebook friends in real life
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
