wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
