Having a random hookup so left but love u
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
