Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
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I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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