He kissed a someone with a penis
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
PANTIES FOUND
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