why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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