My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
