I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
