Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
