fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
