I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
