hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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