Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
