Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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