He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
