I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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