So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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