Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
