bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
