i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
