I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
