she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
