Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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