Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you had me at cake vodka
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
