The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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