we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
