Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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