At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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