I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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