could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
