My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
