2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
