Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
