put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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