im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
