Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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