Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
