You can't special order awesome
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
