So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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