need another drink. this is the easiest way
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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