I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
