what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
