All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
