thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He kissed a someone with a penis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
