Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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