Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
