This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
