I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
