Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
