just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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