Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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