We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
