I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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