just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Sober January is a disaster.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
