I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
