At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
