He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
