one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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