Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
