You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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