So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
