Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
