Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
